Batman Begins = Big Time

So, one of the few movies I've been looking forward to opened this weekend. I figured I'd take the role of critic and spout my take on this movie. One thing before I jump into this review though. It takes alot for me to hate a movie. I go into theaters expecting to be entertained not see a fucking masterpiece. I can only think of a couple movies that I would have walked out of if I hadn't thrown down 8 bucks. Hulk, Insomnia and Pearl Harbor. Insomnia is the only movie I've ever fallen asleep in, ironic huh?

Instead of telling you the plot and other shit I'm just going to toss out some pluses and minuses because after I started writing this my hangover started to kick back in.

Pluses:

+ Michael Caine as Alfred. He fucking ruled.
+ Darker atmosphere, character and setting.
+ Batman actually using fear as a weapon.
+ The ninja test at the end of his training. Ninjas own. The Real Ultimate Power!
+ The Batmobile.

Minuses

- No super villian. Yeah I know they had the Scarecrow but he had a very small role.
- Choppy ass fight scenes. I fucking hate that editing technique. Almost ruined The Bourne Supremecy for me.
- Katie Holmes dressed. What the fuck I want to see her rubbing her coot and yelling my name.

I give this 4 out of 5 on the Boner Meter.

(Offical Boner Meter picture coming soon!)

Oh Man Wesley Willis

A buddy of mine sent me this link. Wesley Willis. Its changed my life.

This guy fucking rules. It's so awesome I can feel it with my pee pee. Seriously. I honestly don't think it gets any better than sitting down, snorting 3 or 4 lines of coke...or 5, huffing some gas, then putting on Wesley Willis' greatest hits. You can't go wrong with any track on that cd. With songs such as Fuck You, Suck A Caribou's Ass, I'm Sorry I Got Fat, and I Wupped Batman's Ass you really can't go wrong. I'm surprised he hasn't won a grammy yet.

Man he owns.

How to pick a Major by Dern

After a few years of failed classes, procrastination and work I decided it was time to pick a major and stick with it. I assume most people have an idea of what they want to do growing up or have found something they enjoy from experience.

Not this guy. I did what any truely lazy motherfucker would do. I picked the first fucking thing on the list.



Man I own.

Wanna See a Summer Movie? Wait til Next Year

So like, I was really fucking bored so I decided to check out Movies.com. Now generally each summer theres a shit ton of movies I want to go see. I love going to the movies...minus the 9 dollar Sour Patch Childrens, oh fuck those own. Now I was scrolling down their list of upcoming movies and I didn't see shit.

I think I came across, maybe, 2 or 3 I wanted to see. Now out of all those movies I think the only one I'll end up seeing is Batman Begins. Christian Bale fucking rules. I'd definately have sex with him...uhh. Luckily they decided not to bring back the director who made the last two. I'd love to shove both those dvds up his ass sideways.

Now back to Bale again. Reign of Fire fucking ruled. I believe this is the only movie where Matthew McConaughey didn't suck balls. He got so huge just to play one of the greatest heros ever...VAN ZAN! The part where he jumps off a fucking building trying to destroy the huge ass dragon with an axe is classic. You could simply cut the rest of the movie out and play that over and over and have a box office smash.

So anyways I might go check out Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as well. Tim Burton makes some crazy ass movies plus who can forget Mr. Depp himself. I'd definately give him a hug if I ever seen him.

The only other summer movie that looks even remotely decent is The Wedding Crashers. Any movie with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson can't be terrible. Plus what can go wrong with two dudes going to weddings trying to get laid. I should try that oh man.

PS...I'd have sex with Depp too, in a heterosexual way.

A Picture Share!

Bangkok Peanut Sause need I say more?

Someone smote this bitch

Just when I thought I heard the last of this stupid bitch Jennifer Willbanks, I see this lovely link on my yahoo homepage. Lame Yahoo Search Statistics

Now why the fuck would anybody do a search on this whore. Maybe they thought to be impressed by more stupidity on her part.

Hrm let me see...

She buys a fucking bus ticket in advance. Doesn't bring enough cash, cuts her hair, gets stuck all the way across the country, then phones the police claiming to get kidnapped. All because she couldn't handle her problems. Seriously what the fuck. I have the perfect solution for her problems. Cha Ching a fucking revolver.



To bad Eastwood doesn't materialize out of nowhere and blow her away spaghetti western style. Man he owns.