Vintage Dern!

It's another Saturday and I end up getting invited over to a friend of mines house warming party. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and decided to move back to Moscow. I really have no fucking clue why somebody would move back here, this place blows.

I start off the night drinking Coors Original, yeah that's right, the original piss in a bottle. I get a little buzzed and we head over to this chick's house. It ends up being a somewhat small party with a few people I recognize.

I eventually run out of beer and start stealing the beer out of the fridge. Luckily for me it's full of Keystone. I drink enough of their beer that I end up running around my house later in my underwear.

Well, like all good stories the ending is the best. I'm chilling in the kitchen with a bunch of people and a friend of mines girlfriend ends up taking a group picture of everybody in the kitchen. Afterwards she starts checking out all the pictures on the camera. She stops at the group picture and with me looking over her shoulder I say, "Man, you look fucking fat in that picture!"

Now she looks at me like I just shot her in the gut. I'm thinking, what the fuck if the bitch can't take a joke, fuck her. That's when I look over at her boyfriend, my buddy, and he's shaking his head. The motherfucker is mouthing...bulimic.

I almost spit my fucking beer out. I guess she had recently recovered from it. You'd think I'd get my ass beat for saying shit like this.

Guess I just fucking own.