First time for everything...
Normally I don't have very good drinking stories. I usually just drink myself into destruction, then I break shit or pass out. Both own. Last Friday was different.
I do what I normally do after work. I fuck around playing video games and beating off. My buddy stops by around 7pm and we play NCAA Football 2k6 for a couple hours. Naturally my buddy wants to drink. Generally I'd be all over that shit but I was feeling like a lazy fuck and kept putting off going to the store. I was basically being a pussy.
Well anyways another friend of mine shows up around 10pm. He basically called me a huge vagina and tested my manhood. I bought 2 cases of Keystone. The sweet nectar of the rockies, yeah fuck you its good slamming beer. Anyways after I buy the beer he tells me of this crazy night this club is having downtown. Supposedly his friend called and told him of vast amounts of hot chicks. Then he informs me he believes it's a drag night. I told his ass to fuck off, I can get that shit on the internet if I want to stare at dudes looking like bitches.
Well a couple hours go by, I drink a bunch of beer and he somehow convinces me to go there. I think it went along the lines of, "Well I don't actually know what it is, but there's going to be hot chicks". I had enough beer in me to overide any doubts, so I go along. It didn't help that he had free passes.
We stumble down there and lo and behold its fucking gay night. First thing I see is 4 guys grinding on each other. Not that it offends me in anyway but all I really wanted to see were lesbians, preferably hot ones. We find a spot somewhat away from the dance floor on this bench. At that point all I really wanted to do was go home and drink more Keystone. My buddy insisted on getting ahold of his friend and finding these "hot chicks he was promised".
His friend eventually makes it over. We talk with him a bit and he tells us that the hot ones left earlier. That killed any hope I had of doing anything fucking cool. My buzz was fading, dudes were grinding 20 feet away and no boner material anywhere. I was pretty fucked.
Then some drunk douche shows up. I'm somewhat buzzed at this point and can tell this guy is fucked up. Well he starts doing a bunch of stupid shit, hitting on lesbians, running around, and being a fucking douche. I hope you realize this guy was a douche.
So while all this dumb shit is going on we are talking. I don't remember what the fuck we were talking about but it was enough for a bouncer to show up.
This fuck kicks us out.
I GOT KICKED OUT OF A CLUB ON GAY NIGHT.
Jesus it was a sad night. It would have owned if I actually knew why we got kicked out or even too drunk to remember. Fuck. I was even too depressed to drink more when I got home, so I pounded one out and went to bed.
Oh well I still own.
[Update] I talked with my buddy last night. I guess I made a loud comment about how dancing with gay guys would give me a boner. I don't really remember that, but I can't deny it because I can see myself saying that. I own.
I do what I normally do after work. I fuck around playing video games and beating off. My buddy stops by around 7pm and we play NCAA Football 2k6 for a couple hours. Naturally my buddy wants to drink. Generally I'd be all over that shit but I was feeling like a lazy fuck and kept putting off going to the store. I was basically being a pussy.
Well anyways another friend of mine shows up around 10pm. He basically called me a huge vagina and tested my manhood. I bought 2 cases of Keystone. The sweet nectar of the rockies, yeah fuck you its good slamming beer. Anyways after I buy the beer he tells me of this crazy night this club is having downtown. Supposedly his friend called and told him of vast amounts of hot chicks. Then he informs me he believes it's a drag night. I told his ass to fuck off, I can get that shit on the internet if I want to stare at dudes looking like bitches.
Well a couple hours go by, I drink a bunch of beer and he somehow convinces me to go there. I think it went along the lines of, "Well I don't actually know what it is, but there's going to be hot chicks". I had enough beer in me to overide any doubts, so I go along. It didn't help that he had free passes.
We stumble down there and lo and behold its fucking gay night. First thing I see is 4 guys grinding on each other. Not that it offends me in anyway but all I really wanted to see were lesbians, preferably hot ones. We find a spot somewhat away from the dance floor on this bench. At that point all I really wanted to do was go home and drink more Keystone. My buddy insisted on getting ahold of his friend and finding these "hot chicks he was promised".
His friend eventually makes it over. We talk with him a bit and he tells us that the hot ones left earlier. That killed any hope I had of doing anything fucking cool. My buzz was fading, dudes were grinding 20 feet away and no boner material anywhere. I was pretty fucked.
Then some drunk douche shows up. I'm somewhat buzzed at this point and can tell this guy is fucked up. Well he starts doing a bunch of stupid shit, hitting on lesbians, running around, and being a fucking douche. I hope you realize this guy was a douche.
So while all this dumb shit is going on we are talking. I don't remember what the fuck we were talking about but it was enough for a bouncer to show up.
This fuck kicks us out.
I GOT KICKED OUT OF A CLUB ON GAY NIGHT.
Jesus it was a sad night. It would have owned if I actually knew why we got kicked out or even too drunk to remember. Fuck. I was even too depressed to drink more when I got home, so I pounded one out and went to bed.
Oh well I still own.
[Update] I talked with my buddy last night. I guess I made a loud comment about how dancing with gay guys would give me a boner. I don't really remember that, but I can't deny it because I can see myself saying that. I own.
posted by Dern at 2:44 AM
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