Retarded?!? Yes I am...
Well anyways this last weekend started off about the same as every other weekend. I decide to drink. It started off earlier by me getting a text message from a friend of mine letting me know the Latah county fair was going on that night. I honestly didn't give a shit because fairs can lick my nuts.
Now considering almost all of the guys I get drunk with up here are under 21 I end up doing stupid shit like this. I've done the same things before but once you turn 21 its no longer, "Lets get fucked up and walk around the mall!!", its, "Lets get fucked up and go to the bar!!". I get to relive this shit again. YEAHAHAH!
So...back to my story. Like usual I go buy a bunch of beer at the supermarket across the street, lucky me huh? The beer of choice tonight was Olympia. The best part about this beer is you can find it right next to Keystone and Busch, so its about 10 bucks a case. Its pure quality!
After slamming a bunch of beer I get convinced to go to the fair. Well actually after they mentioned fried twinkies I was in. So we head across town to the fair. We show up around 11. I guess those fucks thought it ended around midnight so by the time we got there only a few people were left and the booths were closing. We all grab a couple beers to sneak in.
We walk on up and sure enough there's a police car near the entrance. Since I'm with 4 underaged bitches they all get fucking paranoid. "Oh fuck they can tell I'm drunk!". "Stop fucking around they'll notice". "Jesus I'm a huge vagina!". Thats what I had to listen to.
After getting past all that shit we finally make it in. My buddies end up seeing a bunch of people they know, mostly high school douches. Luckily for me there were a ton of hot chicks in Letterman jackets. I own.
While I'm standing there pissed I can't get a twinkie I realize I have to piss. I spot a porta-potty. I walk over and step into the piece of shit. Now because I'm drunk I decide to just piss everywhere, kind of like what I do at home except I usually don't get any spatter on my pants. I coat the place, I think I even got some in my hair. I put my junk away and realize I have a beer in my pocket. I bust the thing open and slam the whole thing. Now understand that I'm still inside the porta-potty when I'm doing this. I finish the beer and because when your slamming a beer you generally don't breath, I gasp for air when I done. I fucking inhale shit, piss and that nasty ass fucking blue liquid smell they dump in those fucks to make them smell not like shit and piss. I almost throw up. I kick open that door and try to stop from puking. Jesus even the next beer I had tasted like a porta-potty.
So a word of advice from Dern, NEVER FUCKING SLAM A BEER IN A PORTA-POTTY.
So yes I am a retard but I still own.
Now considering almost all of the guys I get drunk with up here are under 21 I end up doing stupid shit like this. I've done the same things before but once you turn 21 its no longer, "Lets get fucked up and walk around the mall!!", its, "Lets get fucked up and go to the bar!!". I get to relive this shit again. YEAHAHAH!
So...back to my story. Like usual I go buy a bunch of beer at the supermarket across the street, lucky me huh? The beer of choice tonight was Olympia. The best part about this beer is you can find it right next to Keystone and Busch, so its about 10 bucks a case. Its pure quality!
After slamming a bunch of beer I get convinced to go to the fair. Well actually after they mentioned fried twinkies I was in. So we head across town to the fair. We show up around 11. I guess those fucks thought it ended around midnight so by the time we got there only a few people were left and the booths were closing. We all grab a couple beers to sneak in.
We walk on up and sure enough there's a police car near the entrance. Since I'm with 4 underaged bitches they all get fucking paranoid. "Oh fuck they can tell I'm drunk!". "Stop fucking around they'll notice". "Jesus I'm a huge vagina!". Thats what I had to listen to.
After getting past all that shit we finally make it in. My buddies end up seeing a bunch of people they know, mostly high school douches. Luckily for me there were a ton of hot chicks in Letterman jackets. I own.
While I'm standing there pissed I can't get a twinkie I realize I have to piss. I spot a porta-potty. I walk over and step into the piece of shit. Now because I'm drunk I decide to just piss everywhere, kind of like what I do at home except I usually don't get any spatter on my pants. I coat the place, I think I even got some in my hair. I put my junk away and realize I have a beer in my pocket. I bust the thing open and slam the whole thing. Now understand that I'm still inside the porta-potty when I'm doing this. I finish the beer and because when your slamming a beer you generally don't breath, I gasp for air when I done. I fucking inhale shit, piss and that nasty ass fucking blue liquid smell they dump in those fucks to make them smell not like shit and piss. I almost throw up. I kick open that door and try to stop from puking. Jesus even the next beer I had tasted like a porta-potty.
So a word of advice from Dern, NEVER FUCKING SLAM A BEER IN A PORTA-POTTY.
So yes I am a retard but I still own.
posted by Dern at 9:58 PM
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